Saturday, May 11, 2013

Philly Ranks in Stupedest Survay Evar

We all know that magazines and websites love to rank cities when they have nothing else to talk about. And we all know that even the most validated ranks are nothing short of bull shit. The truth is, unless you're dealing with a very specific item, you just can't compare any two cities.

That doesn't stop us from trying to peg the smartest, ugliest, and most corrupt cities, despite the fact that every city with more than a few thousand residents is home to a bevy of ugly brainiacs who don't pay their taxes.

On behalf of Movoto Real Estate, Yahoo! ran an article ranking America's Most Funnest Cities. Movato, clearly vested in California real estate, obviously tilted the rank to its own benefit, handing Oakland a number one spot and San Francisco number three. Yeah, that's right, Oakland, San Francico's dumping ground for crime and poverty ranked Movoto's most exciting city in the United States.

Philadelphia's real estate agents don't shy away from their own shenanigans, like calling Point Breeze, "Rittenhouse" or stretching Center City's borders as far north as Girard, but Movoto's variables to dub a city "exciting" are full of Class A ass hattedness.

Movoto uses ethnic diversity and park space to deem cities "exciting." Don't get me wrong. Diversity and parks make great cities great, maybe even interesting, but fun? I'm not sure. Miami is hardly the most diverse city in the United States, but only a very specific curmudgeon could visit and not have fun. It didn't even break Movoto's Top 10. Anchorage is basically one giant park. That's wonderful. But that doesn't mean you're going to have a wild night.

They'd be having more fun in Oakland.

Perhaps the most ridiculous inclusions are Movoto's age cap and penalizing cities that have a Walmart. I hate Walmart, but knowing it's down there doesn't fester in my mind and stop me from having fun. I guess that doesn't matter. After all, I'm 36, and apparently anyone over 34 doesn't know how to have a good time. 

Diversity and museums did help Philly make the top ten, below Milwaukee...MILWAUKEE. That in itself is enough to throw Movoto's credibility out the window.

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