The catch to the $80K cab medallion? You have to be a decent person.

Walking home from one of my less stressful days at the new job, I decided to take the long way. People were out in numbers enjoying the overcast, yet uniquely springlike day. Dogs, joggers, commuters, everyone was happy. As I set out to cross Chestnut Street, I looked down beside me and smiled at a giggling baby. The light turned green, and then I heard it, and smelled it. 

The sound of worn shocks barreling towards us, one of Philadelphia's notoriously disgusting taxi cabs blaring the horn as if that somehow allowed him to run the light. The woman pulled her stroller back towards the sidewalk and I screamed, "Watch it, man!" 

As he sped past the intersection, a waft of B.O. delivered his retort, "F*CK YOU, MOTHER F*CKER!" 

When the day comes that Uber puts every one of these rolling bed bugs out of business, I'm throwing a party. At one point, that seemed impossible. Not because taxis were significantly more affordable, not because the cab companies upped their game. No, because of Philadelphia's long standing dedication to bureaucracy, unions, and all things illogical. 

But travelers, rejoice. That day will come. The Philadelphia Parking Authority has been dropping the price of its excessively costly medallions ever since Uber changed the game. Once going for a mind-blowing half a million dollars, one can be picked up now for a measly $400,000. And get this, if you want a medallion without mortgaging your children, you can get your hands on a wheelchair accessible medallion for eighty grand. 

Now you might think that the PPA is offering accessible medallions at a dramatic discount because, hey, disabled people need cabs more than anyone. You might think, hey, that PPA ain't such a bad guy after all. You'd be wrong. The reason the PPA cut those medallions from $475,000 to $80,000 is because, you guessed it, nobody wanted them. 

I know this will come as a shock, but cab drivers don't really like transporting people who need assistance, even blind paraplegics. Sorry to spoil it for you, but their surly demeanor isn't masking a heart of gold. 

Now, the cabs aren't going anywhere and neither are the 1600 medallions. In fact, the lower medallion value likely means the drivers will get nastier, ruder, and more reckless through crosswalks. But if it causes them to jack up the price for a fare, it just makes Uber even more desirable, valuable, and relevant. 

And is anyone else happy that Uber Black finally gave the handsome Chrysler 300 a reason for existing?

I know I'm in the minority, but come on, that's a sexy car. If it came in stick, I might actually own one. Dear Chrysler (Daimler? Fiat? Lee Iacocca?), please deliver us a sport coupe from wherever you're manufacturing these things.

Uber is Here to Stay...and It's Good For Us

Yes, please.

Say what you will about Uber, or it's more affordable option, UberX. 

Rhetoric has been compiled by an industry that has been playing fast and lose with a monopoly for decades. Around the country, Uber drivers have been accused of being reckless and harassing customers. In all likelihood those accusations are 100% correct. But the fact many seem to ignore is: taxi drivers have been getting away with this for years.

It's a double standard likely caused by a multitude of reasons. For starters, taxi cabs have been reputedly disgusting since the dawn of hired carriage rides. They're rude, they stink, and they'll take you on a joy ride if you don't know where you're going. It's easy to call out an isolated disservice in an Uber car because Uber gives you a venue to call out the disservice. 

Your Uber driver has a predetermined route to guarantee an accurate estimate. The driver cannot claim that the "credit card machine is down" to pocket the fare. The transaction takes place in the cloud. And if - worst case scenario - you have an unseemly altercation with your driver, you know exactly who's driving you. 

The gripes that don't sidestep reason seem fixated on Uber's apparent assault on a timelessly nostalgic and struggling institution, as if you're being carted around in a horse and buggy, not a twenty year old Caprice Classic with worn shocks and bald tires. 

Industries change and cabs are by no means the struggling poster child for a dying industry. If they are dying, they're dying at the hands of their owners. 

A medallion required to operate a taxi cab in Philadelphia cost $65,000 in 2005. Thanks to an uptick in transit minded residents, DUI checkpoints, and simply more reasons to be downtown, that cost rose to nearly half a million dollars. Well surprise, surprise, that $475,000 price tag is as dead as the Studebaker. The Philadelphia Parking Authority - who in a baffling conflict of interest apparently oversees Philadelphia's taxi cabs - allowed the asking price to be lowered to a paltry $350,000.

What's more mind blowing than any of this is why, when faced with an apparent rise in demand for cabs in the last nine years, the value of a static number of medallions was raised, and not the number of medallions themselves. In a giant "f*ck you" to the consumer, the foundation of the cab industry, the PPA allowed medallion owners to sidestep the very process by which competitive industries work. And now Uber is giving them exactly what they deserve: a cold, hard reality check. 

Taxi Cabs: Compete or Get Off the Road

Yes, please.

In what Uber rightly called a "deplorable charade," the Philadelphia Parking Authority, which oversees the operations of the city's rusted-and-busted taxi cabs, impounded five UberX vehicles last weekend. 

Uber, the mobile-app fueled car service that has delivered sober transportation to some of America's most car-dependent metropolises, has been no stranger to the strong arm of ruthless taxi cab unions. But the angst in Philadelphia seems to be unique in that the PPA essentially has the right to impound its competition. 

That would be like allowing Comcast to prohibit Verizon from offering FiOS. Oh wait, that kind of happens here. I think. I'm still on a waiting list.

Anyway, in what amounts to a corporate hissy fit paramount to anything seen on Parking Wars, the PPA has opted to troll the wildly successful Uber, inciting claims ranging from speculative insurance to misconduct on behalf of Uber drivers, despite the PPA's own lack of oversight into its own cars and drivers.

Ah, distractions. Politics 101. Congrats, PPA, you've finally earned your GED. 

But why not compete? Why not end the discussion by investing in a service that hasn't changed since the invention of the automobile? 

The PPA has spent more money on propaganda and sting operations than it would cost to simply copy Uber's mobile app technology and streamline its dispatch service to match. Sure, Uber's cars are cleaner than PPA's rolling Petri dishes, but the primary reason people use Uber is because they can call a car to East Falls and know it will show up and when. 

What's even more mind boggling is the public support for the PPA's actions. Uber is providing an affordable alternative to a DUI, something the PPA should be focusing on instead of lobbying for the status quo.

GeoSimPHILLY

Attention agoraphobics (or anyone outside the city that doesn't want to deal with the Jerseyvania Triangle or the Philadelphia Parking Authority), now you can visit Philadelphia from the comfort of your own Cheeto covered desk chair. GeoSim Systems Ltd. has released a complete, virtual model of Center City Philadelphia detailed right down to the tile outside the Full Moon Saloon. So if you're bored with your real life, or even your Second Life, check out GeoSimPHILLY.

Market East on GeoSim Systems Ltd. GeoSimPHILLY

All joking aside, this is quite an astonishing feat and could prove a unique tool to city planners, real estate agents, and tourism.