Wednesday, January 7, 2015

An Epidemic of Basic Proportions

After the epidemic of "manspreading" was brought to our attention by New York's Metropolitan Transit Autority, Philebrity and Gothamist have finally called attention to the equivalent for us urbanites who traverse the city above ground: "sidewalkspreading."

What I've always called "double-parking," sidewalkspreading is what it sounds like. You've seen it, and you've cursed it. You've been behind it, in a hurry or not. You've come face to face with them, pushed to the curb or through the middle of a group perplexed by your mere existence. 

Sometimes it's a family from Nebraska ogling the skyline. But others should know better. Stuck behind a hoard of tiny hipsters who inexplicably manage to monopolize the entire sidewalk with a collective weight of 150, you think, "how?" Or a tragic incarnation of Carries and Mirandas who haven't yet learned how to walk in their Manolos, "you must know better." And sometimes it's just one with a Starbucks cup in one hand, a cell phone in the other, and a Michael Kors granny bag draped at the elbow like she's Victoria ****ing Beckham.

You know who you are and you all know better. End the sidewalkspreading.

Stop it. Just...stop.

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