"This Town Needs an Enema"

Philadelphia is changing. For the first time in decades, maybe even a century, we're topping national and international "best of" lists. Buildings are rising, neighborhoods are improving, and national businesses are coming to our front door. We're on the brink of electing a new mayor. We're streamlining civil rights laws. All in all, Philadelphia is becoming one of the best and most relevant cities in the United States.

Of course every time Philadelphia takes a step forward, its worn and tattered sponges start slopping out of City Hall to soak up their piece of the good press. 

Councilman and City Council President, Darrell Clarke, is no exception when it comes to the archetypical politician. He's made a career out of exploiting his voters, stymying productive development in his district, and perhaps worst, not giving a shit what anyone really thinks of him. He's not unique. The sleaziest of sleazy politicos seem numb to their public image. Perhaps they operate under the Kardashian ideal that any press is good press, or maybe they just don't bother Googling their own names. But the audacity and brass balls of our cities most loathed politicians is indicative of personalities completely out of touch with not only their city, but human beings in general. They're borderline sociopathic. 

Philadelphia: Mondays on Fox

Inga Saffron took Clarke to task in a recent article regarding the introduction of a bill stealthily submitted while everyone is focused on the mayoral candidates. As Saffron points out, the bill doesn't look bad on paper. But successful (not to be confused with good) politicians know that bills need to be decorated with bright stickers and scented with potpourri if they stand a chance of passing. Or they just need to be too verbose for anyone to bother reading. 

So what's in the bill? Well, off the cuff it explains why Clarke didn't bother running for mayor. More specifically it reorganizes City Hall to require City Council approval of the city's head of the Office of Planning and Development. Why run for mayor when you can draft your own legislation that essentially grants you so much mayoral power? 

It's hard to understand how some politicians live with themselves. They've either become so detached from the realities of a city that they simply don't see how villainous they're behaving, or they truly are villains. Not to geek out, but at least Gotham's mayor answers to the scrutiny of his actions however evil or unjustified. Our city's worst hide behind dangerous legislature that grants them a pass to the Man Behind the Curtain. 

We have a few good men and women running for mayor this time around, but if Clarke gets his way, there may never be a day in which they are allowed to prove themselves. Our new mayor will be taking the brunt of City Council's decisions with no ability to address the problems they Council will create. Our new mayor won't just be City Council's puppet, they'll be The Whipping Boy standing in for Council's punishment while politicians like Clarke play fast and loose with the future of a city we've worked so hard to fix.

Philadelphia's Next Mayor

No word yet on Councilman Kenney's website...sorry, former Councilman. But Kenney has resigned his 23 year position to unofficially announce his candidacy for Mayor of Philadelphia. 

And it's about ****ing time.

For anyone who's lived in Philadelphia long enough to truly be a local (I think the standard is roughly six years), you know what a big deal this is.

Kenney isn't just a hotheaded, opinionated, and in love with all things Philadelphia. He's one of those rare folks who knows how to be both a politician and a human being. In all ways, he is the quintessential Philadelphian: temperamental, sarcastic, and unapologetic. 

After eight years of Mayor Street's antics and another eight years of Mayor Nutter's invisibility, Philadelphians are ready for a mayor who cares more about the city than his job and isn't afraid to say it. 

And Philadelphians are ready to vote.

PhillyMag.com's Holly Otterbein had some reservations about Kenney's late entrance into the mayoral race, but I'm not so sure she's on mark. Claiming he's late to the race assumes that the vast majority of Philadelphians have been following it. Kenney jumped in at exactly the right time. Like movies hoping to win an Oscar, you don't release it in January, you release it late in the year. 

Kenney's been a fan favorite throughout State Sen. Anthony Williams' and former DA Lynne Abraham's campaigns. Fans have just been wondering when he'd make the inevitable announcement. And they've been doing his campaigning for him.

Otterbein also wonders if his temper will be perceived as authentic, or embarrassing. I have to wonder if Otterbein is a Philadelphian. This is a city that still lauds the tactics of Mayor Rizzo, a man who said he'd make "Attila the Hun look like a faggot." While it's easy to look at Kenney's loyalty to a broad range of minority groups and peg him as the anti-Rizzo, Kenney's raw tenacity might just be the modern equivalent of Rizzo's dated vernacular. 

Truly dedicated to a city they love. 

After eight years of mediocrity dedicated to maintaining the status quo, Philadelphians - both new and seasoned - are fed up. Kenney brings a unique mix to the podium. One that understands the dinosaurs mucking up the system, but hates them as much as we do. More than that, Kenney is loud, opinionated, and he's not afraid to air the sometimes bizarre reasons he loves Philadelphia. 

We're a diverse bunch, Philadelphians. 

We ourselves our loud, opinionated, and love this sick and twisted city for our own bizarre reasons. And that's exactly why Jim Kenney should be the next mayor. He's us. He's Philadelphia - the good and the indignant - and he's not afraid to own that. 

Councilman Clarke's LOVE Park

Councilman Darrell Clarke is perhaps best known for his district's acres of inexplicably vacant land and surface parking lots. He has a knack for getting re-elected largely by pitting wars between yuppies pushing lofty condos into his turf and blocks of subsidized residents.

He's a dick. But in American politics, being a dick wins elections.

Why is Philadelphia's favorite building, the Divine Lorraine, still vacant? Ask Clarke. But despite being a thorn in the ass of every private developer who wants a piece of his domain, his latest proposal is a complete departure from the man's effort to keep his neighborhoods looking like the opening scene from Trading Places.

Or so it would seem.

Clarke's LOVE Park

With a Chicago company's recent bid for the LOVE Park parking garage, renovation of the park above is still up in the air. Adorned with the city's Christmas Village, the park is a wonderful place. But eleven months out of the year, LOVE Park is a hobo camp dotted with European tourists wondering what that smell is.

It's Philadelphia, Björn. That smell is Philadelphia.

Clarke's plan wouldn't just clean up the park, it would turn the park's management over to his arch nemesis: Private Investors. Clarke sees a LOVE Park, with its lavish fountain and Robert Indiana's iconic LOVE sculpture, surrounded by seven indoor and outdoor restaurants, cafes, and bars.

It's a fantastic vision. With numerous Parkway improvements in place and a reborn Dilworth Plaza on the horizon, LOVE Park is really the last piece in the Renaissance between City Hall and the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It's a great idea, but in Clarke's hands, will we see it?

Clarke is the heir apparent to the Mayor's office. In an all but one-party town like Philadelphia, primary elections determine our mayor. And since only seven people with half a brain bother to vote in those primaries, our city's Democratic party essentially appoints the victor. The Republican party on the other hand doesn't bother sending a worthy adversary to the arbitrary debates. I mean why send your A-game to a fight just to stamp "loser" on their resume?

However, the Philadelphia that has kept Clarke in office since 1999 isn't the same Philadelphia it was a decade and a half ago, particularly in Center City, Northern Liberties, South Philadelphia, and University City. The city is growing, and those moving to the city are educated, informed, and some even know the difference between a Philadelphia Republican and Ted Cruz.

Clarke's plan, if it ever comes to fruition, is certainly exciting. But the plan itself is Poli Sci 101. It's a sophomoric effort to grab some publicity outside his depressed and struggling part of town, an effort that many new voters can smell as easily as that weird poop smell coming up from the cracks between the unglued tiles of LOVE Park.

We likely won't see seven restaurants gracing LOVE Park within the next year and the mayoral election is less than two years away. If Clarke can glide this high into the Mayor's office, will he return to his worn ways and abandon his experiment, or will he cater to the broader scope of the whole city and fulfill the obligations he's laying out?

Political Agoraphobia

Inquirer writer Thomas Fitzgerald made a nostalgic pitch for Ed Rendell's return to City Hall. Of all the word's in Fitzgerald's article, one that wasn't mentioned was "frustration," the one word that encompasses why anyone would seriously entertain the notion.

In all fairness, Fitzgerald does refer to the political nostalgia surrounding familiar candidates, or even names. But he doesn't explore why it's happening.

Philadelphians are frustrated. Pennsylvanians are frustrated. Americans are frustrated. Yes, even Earthlings are frustrated.

These are frustrating times. But they're also new times. 

Whether or not you think Rendell was a great mayor, corrupt, or just plain bad, write a book about him. What our mayor did from 1992 to 2000 isn't relevant in the scope of today's Philadelphia. It's a different city. 

Voters have become so jaded that many can't even consider a candidate they've never heard of. Democrats who don't like Rendell would likely vote for him, even in a primary election, simply because a familiar mayor - good or bad - is better than the fear of the unknown. How frustrated do we need to get before that changes?

When writers like Fitzgerald aren't looking for candidates through their rose colored glasses, they're looking at our corrupt City Council for the least corrupt to put up against a Republican sent to the podium to lose.

This political agoraphobia is echoed at all levels of Democracy, in every country plagued with the demons of political bitterness. How many times will Russian voters allow Vladimir Putin and Dmitry Medvedev to swap places? As soon as Hillary's too old to run, will we be pitting Chelsea against one of the Bush twins? 

What are we afraid of?

Will Philadelphia collapse upon itself if we elect someone who isn't familiar enough with our institutional corruption to be a part of it? It's sad that Philly.com keeps running articles about Philadelphia's doomed future as the next Detroit, yet can't hold a political discussion about a candidate who isn't recycled. Detroit's last mayor had a familiar name and look how that worked out.

Our mainstream news outlets can't talk about viable politicians like Tom Knox and Sam Katz without giving a nod to the frustrated Philadelphian, assuring us that these outsiders don't stand a chance.

Instead of exploring candidates who bring a new voice to the city, the media focuses on rogue candidates like Pia Varma or Larry West who entered their races to make statements about the internal corruption of our political machine, not to win. Instead of focusing on their messages, the media told fear ridden voters, "if you vote outside the box, this is what you'll get."

The media and the local political structure have taken that message and expanded it to anyone unfamiliar, no matter how boringly reasonable the candidate is. Philly.com wants you to think that Sam Katz is synonymous with Pia Varma. City Hall thanks them, and picks out the next mayor like they're deciding what suit to wear on an idle Tuesday.

Rendell fans might think they loved him thirteen years ago, but everyone's fooling themselves if they think they didn't hate him as much as they hated any mayor in charge. The same goes for Clinton, Reagan, Rizzo, and someday, Obama. The only thing anyone loves about a politician is their election campaign and history.

The one reason anyone wants Rendell to be mayor is because he's not Nutter, or simply not now. Rendell may be a better mayor than one of the cronies in City Hall, but what does it say about voters when our only expectation is that a candidate be "better than" a potential disaster?

Rendell is better than a lot of people, but a lot of people are better than Rendell. We know that the next mayor will likely be appointed from City Council, so in that context, Rendell is inspiring. But the only reason he's a beacon of hope is because the Democratic party looks at Philadelphia as a city it already owns. 

Why would the party waste quality stock on a city that continues to elect itself? The party has become the city's slumlord. The bigger question might be, why do local Democrats continue to apathetically respect that?

On a more transparent level, the problem with looking at retired politicians for anything more than a biography is that we attribute everything from that era to them. Philadelphia got a lot better during Rendell's time for a lot of reasons. The national economy was on the upswing, Communism fell, there was no such thing as a War on Terror, little of which had anything to do with Rendell.

It was a more optimistic time. He can't bring that back.

Since 2001, Americans have been convinced that the world is a scary, scary place. In the late 20th Century, change was exciting. We looked forward to new technology, expanded wealth, and unfamiliar politicians. 

When we got a world of change we didn't ask for, politicians took note and elections became scary.

Fans of Rendell can site all the statistics they want, and the foes can follow up with their own. The truth is voters tend to look at pockets of history and embrace the "those were the days" ideal.

When an irresponsible tabloid paints us a glossy picture of what the city could look like if their hero returns, his fans embrace the fallacy that they won't start hating him the day after he's elected.