Forbes Ranked the Coolest Cities. Forbes. Yes, Seriously.

Forbes has taken a shot at pegging the nation's coolest cities in the internet's latest irrelevant list. And they've done so in the most un-cool way possible. I mean nothing says "cool" like the U.S. Office of Management and Budget and phrases like "six data points," especially when Forbes' coolness data was so corrupt they had to exempt the home of Disney World.

If it isn't ironic enough that Forbes itself has attempted to set the measurement for cool, Washington, D.C. ranked #1. Then again, the hipsters hacky sacking in DuPont Circle love their irony.

Okay, it's pretty cool.

Philly, you didn't make the Top 20. In fact we're less cool than Sacramento and Bethesda, MD, the latter being a suburb so inconsequential that I had to affix a state, both bumping Chicago and Portland out of the running.

But fret not. While cities like Austin, San Francisco, and Seattle truly are list-worthy, and have been for decades, there is a level of coolness that flies above a statistical algorithm, and that is in being part of a city that honestly doesn't give a shit.

That's us.

Enjoy your spot, Denver, Los Angeles, and New York, you deserve it. We knew you were cool long before the internet. But those of us deemed less cool than Sacramento's four exciting "areas" - cities like Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Pittsburgh - can rest well knowing we're too cool for the high school cafeteria.

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In a similarly nonsensical vein, The Today Show ranked the nation's friendliest cities, and it's no surprise that the South reigned supreme and that Charleston and Savannah found themselves amongst the Top 5. If you've ever traveled to the East Coast's Sun Belt, you know that they're friendly. Very, very friendly. 

But if you've ever had the "pleasure" of living in the South you know that there's a lot of racism and homophobia behind that comfort food served with a smile. "Bless her heart" is never followed without a capital "But..."

I'll take the real deal.