Simmer Down

With Harold Camping's campaign promising the adjusted end in five(ish) months and the Mayans blowing up the internet, it's easy to look at tornadoes in Springfield, MA and earthquakes in NE Philadelphia to justify this raptured nonsense. What's even worse is the media plays right into humanity's morbid infatuation with destroying itself.

PhillyBurbs.com, the umbrella site for the Courier Times, The Intellgencer, and Burlington County Times, went so far as to run a headline claiming an earthquake "rocked" Northeast Philadelphia and Bensalem. The article goes even further, calling the boom produced an "explosion".

In most earthquake laden regions, and even some areas less affected by tremors, a 1.7 earthquake would not only be ignored by the media and seismologists, but it wouldn't even be felt. But in the era of the apocalypse and Britney Spears gyrating 'til the world ends, a tremor about as jarring as mild gas is a sign of the times.

Everyone wants to feel special. Springfield's recent tornado is being broadcast across legitimate media outlets as an unusual catastrophe with implications pointing to everything from global warming to polar shifts. The truth of the matter is, New England experiences three or four tornadoes every spring, and this one happened to hit a populated area. There is nothing historically unusual about the event. Massachusetts saw a tornado just three years ago.

Harold Camping must have felt like he struck gold when Iceland's Grimsvotn volcano erupted on May 21st, his prophetic date of the Rapture. Media sources were ticking this story as top news, playing right into the palm of the Doomsdayers. Yet most neglected to mention that Grimsvotn is Iceland's most active volcano and that it's eruption has been anticipated since October of 2010. It also erupted in 1996, 1998, and 2004.

Unfortunately with an exponentially growing media and a global newsfeed active 24/7, it's very difficult to weed out fact from fiction. While most legitimate news is technically fact, it is typically sensationalized around the influences of a popular culture that is grounded in fiction. 

Thirty years ago no American could be tuned in all day, every day, not even the President. No one would hear about a tsunami in Indonesia or hundreds of birds falling from the sky in Scotland. In fact, even the most informed would need to wait for the evening news or scour the newspapers to find information on hurricanes in the Gulf, oil spills in Alaska, or tornadoes in the Midwest.

Yet today, the least interested are the most informed, leading to wild speculation and unfounded claims. It's easy to spot trends when you have access to everything that is happening all the time. Disasters have always happened, all the time. They are happening right now and they will be happening all week, all month, and all year. The world is a big place, and having unlimited access to its entirety is overwhelming.

Those with little to no understanding of politics or the environment receive a streaming update of global issues from hundreds of Facebook friends, endless Tweets, and smart-filtered search results from Google. 

Even those academically versed in mayhem and disaster have a hard time ignoring the aggrandized headlines and convincing themselves that the end is not eminent. Is it any surprise that someone like Harold Camping was able to use the same instant and free access we all have to billions of internet users to convince a handful of people to sign over their life savings? If 2012 signifies the end of anything, it's the end of reason, and we have a nonstop electronic supply of bullshit to thank for that. 

Fergie's Tower

The Jewish Federation's thrift store has been vacant for a long time, leading many to wonder why this prime piece of property spanning the block between Walnut and Sansom, 12th and 13th, hasn't been developed.

Sandwiched between a garage, one of Sl-EZ Park's many unsightly surface lots, and Fergie's Pub, 1213 Walnut Street was slated for a 29 story apartment and hotel complex in 2009. Fergie's would have remained in its current location. U3 designed a complex with 299 apartments and 152 hotel rooms that would have had a unique driveway that would have spanned the block under the tower.

Unfortunately, this project wasn't designed to include the one thing this city doesn't need more of: parking. Although this development neighbors a garage, another garage, another garage, at least five surface lots, cabs, buses, subways, not to mention a city core with at least one parking lot or garage on literally every, single block; neighboring landlords are using antiquated legality that requires parking to mount legal opposition against this project to muscle out healthy competition.

If 1213 Walnut Street moves forward, Fergie's Pub will remain unaffected.

Barely Human: Governor Chris Christie

You've done it again New Jersey. I just can't let this go. 

How are our elected officials still so out of touch with reality? So out of touch that this sort of behavior seems at all acceptable. 

Are they just pushing the envelope of power, seeing how much they can get away with? Have they not yet grasped the impact of communicative technologies? 

Last Wednesday, New Jersey's jowl faced, waddling governor, Chris Christie used a state helicopter to travel to his son's baseball game at Delbarton High School. 

Using a police chopper as his own Air Force Once, Christie and his wife left in a photo op that halted his son's game in the fifth inning.

There is nothing technically illegal about a New Jersey governor using a police helicopter for personal use, but considering the current economy, especially in New Jersey, it's incredibly tacky. Particularly since his predecessor, Corzine, reimbursed the state or chartered private helicopters when requiring personal transportation. It shows a dramatic disconnect between Christie's lectures on budget cuts and how he views himself.

Philadelphia isn't as bad as Philadelphians say it is

A number of national magazines have routinely employed various survey tactics that put Philadelphians and our city at the bottom of everything from our appearance to the toxicity of our drinking water. Most, if not all of these surveys are far from scientific. But according to the newsstands, Philadelphians are fat, sick, and ugly. 

Although a quick stroll along the river would suggest anything but an unhealthy and unattractive populous, no one bothered to mention that the cities that scored the least attractive were also the most ethnically diverse. That says a whole lot more about those being surveyed than it does about the physical characteristics of our residents.

Yet still, our local newspapers eat it up. Our journalists have a morbid infatuation with negative press and broadcast these deprecating stats as top stories on their websites. I've noticed the same trend in a lot of mid-Atlantic cities. Maybe it's because this region typically falls low in positive statics, but from DC to New York, many residents seem to be passively proud of everything from traffic to crime. 

While Portland brags about its parks and transportation system, we brag about mobsters and hoarders with dead cats in their freezers. Like the cast of Jersey Shore, attention is attention, good or bad, even if the whole country hates you.

 

For whatever reason, the papers ignored this one. Men's Health recently published a survey, taking into account stats like bankruptcy, foreclosures, and personal debt and established a list of where the residents of major U.S. cities stood financially. And guess what? We're not at the bottom. In fact, out of 100 cities, we aren't even close.

With Las Vegas and Phoenix bottoming out at 100 and 98 and eight other cities receiving an F, Philadelphia came in at 29 with a grade of B. Pittsburgh came in at number 10 with an A- and is one of ten cities that are actually in the black. Good job, Pennsylvania!

We live in a great city and we have every right to brag about it. San Francisco is beautiful, but you won't find a museum surrounding Ben Franklin's toilet. Boston is historic, but its skyline won't humble anyone. We're better than a lot of cities. Start bragging about what makes us great, not what once made us rotten. A little optimism might help shed our hard reputation. Philadelphia really isn't as bad as Philadelphians say it is.

I don't think we're in Philadelphia anymore, Toto...

A decade or two ago, were you to wander towards the Schuylkill from the Philadelphia Museum of Art, you would find what you'd expect from a once great city damaged by decades of mismanagement. The grand Victorian gardens were overgrown with weeds, paths through the hillside were crumbling, and the river's shore was littered with garbage.

But somehow the Schuylkill Banks projects and the Philadelphia Museum of Art have managed to become iconic, successful public spaces that would make any First Class city jealous. And they're not even done. 

What is most amazing about the transformation in this aesthetically dramatic part of town, is that it has taken place not only in a city known for pissing away money on projects that don't move, but that it continues to progress in spite of a dreadful economy.

As an international crowd of tourists climb through the rocky gardens behind the museum, few know that the metal gazebo they're taking pictures from is a replica of a wooden gazebo that once stood in the same spot a century ago. The dedicated attention to detail and respect for the history of this space is astounding. 

Those managing these projects need to be managing our city.

Just beyond the renovated Waterworks, right before Boat House Row lies a small, relatively inaccessible island. As you walk towards Lloyd Hall from Waterworks, you would notice it behind the small algae laden inlet. OLIN has designed a new park for the island adding a small foot bridge for access. The project will be completed in 2013.

One of the most exciting projects along the Schuylkill River is the Boardwalk. To be completed in 2013 as well, the Schuylkill River Trail will continue beyond Locust Street as a 15 foot wide pier on the river complete with access to the new South Street Bridge.

What I have finally discovered about these beautiful spaces is that the Schuylkill River does not have to be solely enjoyed from its banks. Above or below the dam, launching a kayak is a piece of cake, and the water isn't nearly as disgusting as its reputation would lead you to believe. 

Naturally, as more and more people realize what a wonder resource these spaces have become, they will attract more and more crowds. It's a universal truth any urbanite must come to accept. Of course there are ways to address any potential overcrowding. Put the brilliant minds designing and managing the successes along the Schuylkill River to work on the massive banks of the Delaware.

The Bowery Presents and House of Blues

Great news for the struggling Spring Garden corridor and the former Spaghetti Warehouse. If all goes as planned, the warehouse at 10th and Spring Garden will be reopened as a The Bowery Presents....

The Spring Garden corridor is no stranger to concert venues, although perhaps not as recognizable as The Bowery Presents.... 

Additionally, a House of Blues is slated for the waterfront.

Prediction: Hipsters will criticize the corporate presence, Fishtown will complain about the quality of life in a neighborhood that is arguable theirs, Callowhill will complain about traffic, and a number of Negadelphians will say, "we don't need another concert venue". 

Well, then don't go. 

A successful venue this far west on Spring Garden will inspire local businesses to follow suit, perhaps including a potential solution for the dilapidated - now saved - Church of the Assumption. And Sugarhouse needs something to make it more than an overstuffed slots barn.

The Final Countdown

For someone who predicted that the end of the world was to come in 1994 (maybe it did, remember Models, Inc.?), it's pretty surprising that Harold Camping has inspired such a buzz - both pop culture and serious - around his prediction that the Rapture will begin tomorrow evening (or Sunday morning, give or take).

People love a good disaster flick, and few compare to the Bible. You know what I love? The Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul on Logan Square. And if Camping proves the fine line between genius and madman, on May 22nd it will be filled with nothing but the clothes of the saved. 

Look for me. I'm sure I'll still be here.

By day, I think I'll turn the main sanctuary into a meeting place for those left behind. We will need somewhere to organize our mortal crusade against the armies of demons and the walking dead. The crypt will be a good place to store weaponry. Crow bars tend to be the accepted weapon of choice against the undead. Zombies don't posses complex reasoning skills and can't look up so the dome windows can be used to signal an oncoming attack. 

At night The Basilica's rotunda will become the hot spot for Philadelphia's heathens to mix and mingle. Kind of like the dance scene in Martix Reloaded, but with better music. Like a Lenny Kravitz video. 

We will really only need one big meeting place. Come Sunday morning, those of us still around will be in Hell. Once the Final Judgment has been made, there's no reason left to hate each other. It'll just be really hot and loud. Like a nightclub in the 90's. I can't wait.

Okay, I jest. I'm just having fun and mean no disrespect. Incidentally my birthday falls on Armageddon, so I can assure you that nothing exciting ever has or ever will occur on May 21st. But just to be on the safe side, I'd exercise caution if your cat starts speaking in Latin and your My Little Ponies start eating each other.

Deja Vu?